you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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