What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
