I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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