this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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