This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
