Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
