We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
