no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
