they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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