I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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