suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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