Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
operation have a gay friend backfired
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize