I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
