She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
