He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
