First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
