singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
