I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
