the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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