you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
