you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
