So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
