Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the liver wants what the liver wants
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize