I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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