So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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