yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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