Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
