I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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