just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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