Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize