i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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