Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
