cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
