I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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