The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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