I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
how drunk are you?
Several
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
