he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
