So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
