my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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