Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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