After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
