about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
