Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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