Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
