I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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