So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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