I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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