Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I look better un-naked...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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