that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
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