also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
