Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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