Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
