So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
