Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
