it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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