I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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