K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Are we still banned from the library?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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