my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
