those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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