dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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