Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
