Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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