I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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