worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
