Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
