a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
