Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
