were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
