So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
