I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
