Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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