Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
