the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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