Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
