i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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