Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
