I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
