You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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