glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
