I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
