wrigley field is MILF paradise
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
