I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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