She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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