For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
