oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
