I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
