Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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