I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
