I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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