Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
