so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
