My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
