apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
