i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize