No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
