Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
