i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sorry about my life...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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