i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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