Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
