I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
