3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
