You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
