I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Randomize
