You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
