The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this boner is exhausting
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
