Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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