I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think your dad took our porno
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
