i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
